The fringes

I have  never felt like I fit in this world.
There are many things I enjoy about it and many that I don’t. But I have always  felt as if Im on the outside, looking in.
For brief intervals, I formed a world in which I belonged.
That too felt temperary and fragile.
Who am I ? What am I ?
Does everyone feel this way ? Does everyone feel they do not fit in ? Or fit ?

A lot of my life has gone by, trying to feel that sense of belonging.
Now I don’t try to do that anymore.

Im being true to what I feel.

Like I read just yesterday….only illusions fall apart when you are not trying to hold things together. What remains is what is ‘ real’.
I feel a sense of “in between- ness”….. Like Ive let go of trying to hold ‘it’ together ….whatever that ‘it’ might be.

Im still on the outside, looking in….. but, it is no longer uncomfortable.

There is a familiarity with the feeling.
A feeling that, if this is how it feels right now, then it is how it is meant to feel. When it needs to feel different, it will.

Maybe I belong on the fringes.

Or maybe these apparent ‘fringes’ are moments into which I can completely relax and immerse?

Maybe the immersion will carry me back to me. Where I feel everything….where there is nothing at all outside of me.

Where I fit completely.

Simi