There is a separation happening …she feels it deep within , without wanting it, without even wanting to acknowledge it is. The separation of who she was, and the who, that is.
The one that was ….. that was dads little girl , lapping up all his wisdom with wide eyes , the one that was eager to please her family and friends, the one that cared what they felt ….much more than what she felt. The one who always wanted to do what was right by everyone and maybe not taking into account so much, as to what was right by her. The one that knew how to diffuse an explosive situation, and did so without any unnecessary delays. The one that wanted to be the right kind of daughter , sister, wife, mother, student and friend.
She is barely recognisable now. She is like a dream that was.
There is no longer that pressing need to please, to uphold people’s illusions…..much less her own.
The clarity with which she sees things , albeit unwittingly , is a clarity she no longer wishes away, even if that were a possibility. The detachment where there was too much attachment earlier , is uncomfortable but not something she is pushing away. There is , almost a lethargic acceptance ….a heaviness and lightness of her limbs…her heart.
She is there …and yet …..not quite.
