Empaths coping mechanism…an insight into one of the subtler ways of coping with overwhelm
Sometimes a sensitive person or an empath starts to use “woundology” as a way to connect with people as it has become their default programming.
It usually starts in childhood when the child notices that speaking about the things that are going ” wrong ” in their lives, inadvertently protects them from further onslaughts on their senses.
Where people start to tiptoe around them, nurture them or are more sensitive to their feelings because they start talking about how unfairly life has treated them or how hurt they already are.
It is almost like an unspoken plea,” Please don’t make me feel more overwhelmed. I can’t take it. “
Also, because they are empaths, they will do ANYTHING to spare peoples feelings, so they will find it extremely difficult to state boundaries clearly or simply say NO.
As empaths, they also find it tough to handle rejection and disapproval as they feel these more acutely in their bodies. It is almost unbearable. So they would rather deflect, than take a direct route to establishing clear boundaries.
This happens when their environment causes them to feel unsafe and has too much coming at them or too much happening in their environment which makes them feel overwhelmed.
As a result, they tune into their wounds and start to speak about how difficult life is for them. They focus on their wounds, on things that are going wrong, and whilst this brings a respite from the overwhelm and they unconsciously start to protect themselves in this manner in all of the areas of their lives, it also attracts more situations to be wounded about. Whatever we focus upon expands in our experience, afterall.
This is only one of the coping mechanisms but since it is so subtle, it is sometimes tough to recognise.
When empaths start to empower themselves by becoming more aware and conscious of their own ways of dealing with their experiences and indeed more open to being vulnerable again, then any situation that used to overwhelm them has the potential to have them instinctively go back into the ” fight or flight ” response, which is truly what woundology really is.
At this juncture, it is important to remember that connecting to anyone this way did not give them great results and only a mediocre connection. More importantly, it left them feeling inauthentic and even more disempowered as their experience was now controlled by their own wounds.
It is even more important at this juncture to remain in their strength and express their unique truth honestly and clearly.
This need not be hurtful to others at all. If it is consciously coming from an empowered energy, it will be still calm and gentle yet firm.
A mild example of this is , if someone asks you to do something which is something you don’t want to do, instead of saying NO, simply and clearly, you go into explaining in great detail how life is already so tough for you and how you already have so much to deal with.
This is a default defense mechanism.
If you become aware, then saying no comes with no inner need to explain why you are saying no or needing people to understand your point of view.
“ Loving yourself, sometimes means having the courage to face your coping mechanisms and choosing to let them go, even if it feels scary at first ”