There was an insight that came through the story that played out in my dream last night.
When people are operating from fear, one of the ways in which they seek to control their environment … either to protect themselves or just to survive is through manipulation. Whether conscious or unconscious, manipulation often begins as a form of self-defence.
Manipulation can show up as people-pleasing or micromanaging / controlling. It can include becoming extremely perceptive of the energies, emotions, and dynamics around them, and then trying to stay one step ahead of those energies in case they feel threatened by those energies.
A person may become highly observant of others, of their own body, and of subtle shifts in the environment because they have learned that vigilance can keep them safe.
I feel that when children grow up in volatile or emotionally unpredictable environments, they can often become very very intuitive and observant as a way to protect themselves or survive. They learn to navigate their environment as if they are walking in a mine field ….they learn to anticipate reactions, and to protect themselves emotionally. And over time, this can become such a deeply ingrained habit that they continue operating in this way even when the original threat no longer exists.
Without realizing it, they may continue trying to manage and/ or control their environment in order to feel safe. And in doing so, they may unintentionally create suffering for themselves and for others.
Because when we manipulate or attempt to control outcomes, we are also interfering with the freedom and discernment of the people around us. If we withhold parts of the truth or manage information in order to avoid conflict, or uncomfortable emotions discomfort etc then others are no longer being given the full picture from which to make their own choices.
This does not necessarily happen because someone is malicious or intentionally deceitful.
Very often, they are probably just afraid of the consequences of speaking or revealing the whole truth as they perceive it.
They are afraid of unpleasant emotions, unpleasantness, confrontation, or drama. So they try to control circumstances in such a way that this discomfort never arises.
But I feel that this approach often backfires in the long run.
Because withholding truth creates an imbalance and it takes away another person’s ability to discern reality fully for themselves. It interferes with authentic connection and creates imbalance within relationships and within the individual themselves.
And it is so very exhausting to live like this. Constantly trying to think a few steps ahead, trying to control themselves, others and their environment ….control outcomes in order to feel safe.
Many of us may come to realize at some point that, in order to survive earlier circumstances, we unconsciously adopted manipulation as a coping strategy. But once we become conscious of this pattern, something begins to shift.
We begin to realize that the universe is inherently supportive of our growth and evolution. That life is not always trying to hurt us. That not every emotion is dangerous. That our perception, our focus, and our inner state contribute greatly to the reality we experience.
And from that awareness, we no longer need to control, manipulate, or micromanage.
We can begin letting go of fear and moving more deeply into love.
This creates a more relaxed and truthful way of living. A way of being that allows reality to exist in its wholeness instead of trying to filter reality into only what feels pleasant, safe, or comfortable. It does not reject difficult emotions or uncomfortable truths. Instead, it allows space for all of life to exist as it is.
That, to me, feels like a more authentic reality because it encompasses everything.
And when a person begins meeting life in this way with honesty, openness, and truth, I feel that the freedom that accompanies that truth not only uplifts the individual, but also transforms their relationships with others.
I feel there would be far less suffering in the world if something as simple and profound as this were more deeply understood.❤️
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