Another theme suddenly sort of locked into place today for me. Until you learn a theme completely, it keeps showing up in different aspects in fascinating ways so that you understand it in all of its nuances.
When others lean on you and it starts to overwhelm you , the only reason it does that is because you feel that…
1) you must fix problems for them or cheer them up or be their strength as you have in the past.
2) you feel the weight of their expectations to do so (whether or not they expect this of you )
3) you do not project your own vulnerabilities to them and always try to sort out your own problems by yourself, so they forget that you can be vulnerable too.
4) You build up the reputation of being the ‘ fixer’ or the ‘ calm one ‘ and you feel the pressure to fix stuff for them.
5) and sometimes you discover that the only reason you want to quickly fix things is because you simply cannot bear for them to be not fixed.
They bring up old childhood fears of broken-ness. You cannot bear the drama, so it is in the abject fear of any drama that you hurry to set it right even though you may not have caused the drama in the first place.
You have carefully maintained a cocoon of gladness or positivity but it is not impenetrable and often those that are closest to you can easily invade your cocoon with their imbalances and misery.
The intent behind your need to fix everything is that you don’t need to deal with the drama.
That intent is not good enough to keep you in balance.
The only way is to first understand that all dramas are NOT your responsibility to fix.
Each one of us is responsible for our own paths and journey. Each one of us faces the consequences of the choices we make.
Why do you feel responsible to fix the consequences of all those choices , even though most of them are not yours in the first place?
The second thing to understand is that most of the times people are not even wanting you to fix their problems for them.
They just find your ” presence ” and ” compassion ” enough.
To get them used to you giving them solutions is counterproductive and disempowering.
For them and eventually for you as well.
Mehr's blog 