Lets feel ALL of our feelings and let them find expression.
Pain has its own unique beauty as does joy.
In allowing ourselves to feel into both pain and joy, not denying either, we are alive.
Suffering arises when we resist what is naturally coming up.
If pain comes, let it wash over you, washing you clean, taking away the debris that was hidden in dark corners. The rubbish that snuck in and stayed hidden. That accumulated.
And when joy peeks in , like sunlight from behind a curtain, throw open that curtain and that window and let it warm your heart, melting away all the guards around it, seeping into all the crevices and lighting you up from the inside so you glow….glow like a firefly.
WHEN and HOW should we express our truth? This was a question that came up recently and below is what I have learnt, based on my own understanding …
We must ALWAYS express our truth by showing up authentically. Speaking our truth need not be contentious, or overbearing or rebellious.
In fact, when we are aligned to Source consciousness, we are speaking from a place of being grounded and calm.
So most often our energy declares our truth and we do not even need to verbally proclaim or defend it.
You can instead , honour that another person has the right to their perspective as much as you have a right to yours.
So instead of trying to argue your point , or insist on explaining your truth to someone else, it is way better to say, ” how interesting you feel this way” , or, ” how interesting.”
When we understand that there are as many truths/ perspectives as there are people, then the need to insist on our truth dissolves.
Also there is never any need to give up on your truth and agree to anyone else’s truth, just to keep peace or avoid drama. That is not honouring your truth. And definitely not being authentic.
This way you are immediately stepping up in your own vibrations and being in Alignment with your highest self as you are honouring yourself and the other at the same time.
Understanding that all our individual truths can be different, gives us the opportunity to become more compassionate and tolerant. That leads to feeling more harmony within ourself. It is the surest way to remain flexible and approach all of life’s experiences with a beginners mind.
There are some situations/ relationships where trying to express our truth is counterproductive or frustrating. I spoke about narcissistic / toxic relationships briefly.
In these situations, trying to express our truth can result in being manipulated, gaslighted and invalidated.
So much so that one starts to question one own self.
In these cases it is best to calmly walk away. There is then no need to try and explain our point of view or try and understand another point of view.
This brings us to, how do we KNOW that we are in a relationship or situation that is toxic for us and not merely being JUDGEMENTAL?
We need to once again tune in to our own inner guidance and our level of self awareness.
Once you KNOW who you are and know that you have the courage and the habit of taking responsibilty for whatever shows up in your own experience, that you have the guts to self examine, then it becomes easier to discern toxic relationships as opposed to healthy relationships where there are naturally instances of differing opinions.
You see, in a situation like this, you will almost always pick up on the fact that your energy is not feeling good.
That the energy feels discordant.
The other person might say words which sound harmless, but their energy does not match their words. Or when there is an aspect of manipulating your words or gaslighting you.
You will always know when its time to just quietly move away, if you develop the sensitivity to your own inner guidance.
People who have a high degree of empathy or sensitivity to energy or “vibes” have a tendency to also think of everyone else being as sensitive or empathic.
Hence the disillusionment and the feeling of disbelief if someone is being deliberately hurtful, calculating and manipulative. Empaths who do not know they are empaths cannot wrap their heads around deliberate viciousness or hurtful behaviour.
Also a disempowered empath can be as hurtful and manipulative if they are in the victim mentality. So it will be incorrect to assume that anyone displaying hurtful behaviour does not have any compassion themself.
They might be but are disempowered and weak so lashing out is their way of providing some sort of defence against those that they view as threats.
When you are an ’emotional empath’ which means when you pick up on the FEELINGS of others, you are more likely to go into a REACTIVE state almost unconsciously. This is because you are not RESPONDING to something that is being SAID or is CONSCIOUSLY TANGIBLE, such as words.
You are REACTING OR RESPONDING to the emotional state of the other person.
So if you are an emotional empath AND one who is unconscious of being one, you can easily go into reacting to something that was never outwardly expressed in words…only in energy. Which gives the other person the power to turn and twist your reaction because they never SAID in words what their energy said to you in their feelings or energy.
So as an emotional empath, and KNOWING you are one, it brings you to the understanding of how important it is to NOT go into the REACTIVE state and remain neutral and therefore in your own power.
The power that is stronger than your innate need as an empath to make people around you happy at all cost ( sometimes at your own cost)
At times empaths or highly compassionate and usually caring souls seem to display or feel apathy or a complete lack of sympathy in certain situations or with certain other people.
This puzzles them and makes them think something is ‘ wrong ‘ with them. But this feeling of sudden detachment and apathy arises, because they are old souls.
They either recognise the underlying truth of the situation (for example death is merely a changing of forms and not really the end or in other cases, what is showing up is merely consequences of choices made and as old souls who have done this countless times, they recognise that its ok and so they do not ” feel” pulled into the ” drama” aspect of what is playing out….in those times its almost as if they are unplugged from the matrix and looking in ….very detached and composed.
Yet in other times, things like a beautiful piece of lemon in their tea which looks like the petals of a flower or acts of love and kindness and compassion in others will move them to tears of unbridled joy.
In these moments they are recognising the ” truth ” again.
The ” Love ” behind it all.
A lot of what ” ought to” make you feel “sad” does not shake your balance and yet some thing like love or kindness or gratitude touches your soul.
The beauty of it all touches your soul and yet the drama of it leaves you unfazed.
So do not judge yourself or think you are lacking in love or kindness.
You are just more steeped in the unconditional kind of love and compassion….not the kind that is projected more whilst we are here (the one full of conditionality)
Some people are greatly gifted with words. They can use them in such beautiful ways to express their ideas and their beliefs. Reading their words, stirs your heart and moves you with the reasonance you feel within you. So if you read one thing written by them and you feel that ‘this is exactly what I feel’, then you start to feel that maybe everything they express will be something your heart feels. However, that is the time to become a bit more aware and realise, that the author is only expressing his/ her own unique view of the journey. At different times of his life, he may even contradict his own earlier understanding, which was expressed as passionately and eloquently. So now what do you believe ? Do you get confused ? Do you swing like a pendulum from one belief to the other? It is so very important to recognise that we are, each one of us, having a unique journey. We have a finely tuned guidance system within us, meant only for us. That is the ONLY guidance system which can be a true one for us. The one within each one of us. By all means learn from the experiences of those who have walked this path and are able to help with their words …but never discard your own guidance in favour of theirs. What you feel within you, is your reality. It is not for you to try and explain or convince anyone else about. Yes you can and must express it. Someone out there might take comfort from it. But know at all times that your journey, your words, only truly apply to you and someone else’s to them. Do not undermine your instincts in favour of theirs or theirs in favour of yours. Respect and honour it all and only take what reasonates with you. Leave what does not.
At different levels of consciousness, people seek to understand themselves, their world and their experiences and put it all under labels.
They seek to explain behaviours as well and put those under labels like introverts, extroverts, empaths, narcissists, optimists, pessimists etc. This system helps many to get through phases and experiences in their lives, making them feel somewhat appeased and validated that others have experienced what they have and that their angst is understood.
That based on these experiences ,systems have been put in place to explain how to deal with toxic relationships. What troubles me about this system is that it still seeks to explain the unexplainable and limit the limitless nature of who we ALL truly are. The way it appears to me right now in my understanding is that, these labels add to the divide. They further add to the ” them” and “us”. What if these are merely different levels of consciousness manifesting in certain ways of being? Would it not be so much easier to look at behaviour as being unconscious so that we can still feel compassion for each other ? Knowing that at some stage, all of us have been unconscious. Im not saying that the trauma experienced at the hands of people we label as narcissists or the extreme sensitivity we experience as empaths be negated. Not at all. These experiences feel very real. The pain feels very real.
However the moment we put these labels, we once again see the world as black and white and people as victims and perpetrators. That itself can keep us stuck in old patterns which take us nowhere new.
“Love is meant to feel openhanded…not close fisted”. I heard a beautiful talk once by a lady who rescued a bird. She was feeding her sugar water in her palm. Her hand was open and the bird rested there beautifully, drinking her sugar water.
Then this lady tried to close her palm so she could put this bird in a little cage ( her intention was to keep the bird so she could protect it and feed it), but each time she tried to close her palm, the bird flew away. When she opened it, the bird came and sat on her hand again. This is a beautiful analogy of how relationships should feel. Not close fisted but open handed.
We are not meant to smother or cage anyone or have them adhere to our perspectives or understanding of life. Or have them do what we think they should or should not do. This includes all of our relationships. The best relationships are those that are ” openhanded” and those that allow the freedom to just be.