I was born to love. I was born to give that love unconditionally. I was also born to receive that love unconditionally.
I started out by giving and receiving it fully…but as I grew, I also started noticing, how sometimes, the love given to me came with certain ,very subtle conditions.
As an adult, I realise , that that was me confusing love with approval or acceptance. True love …in all of its forms , is unconditional. It does not diminish with time , is not affected by moods, and definitely has no conditions attached to it. I came to associate ‘ love ‘ with hurt , with let downs, with pain.
I put up guards around my heart and became very ,very careful with who I allowed in and more importantly, who I gave my love to ,without worrying about how they could use it to hurt me. That was( ironically) me, putting so many conditions to that very love that I was born to give and receive freely.

As I grew in awareness, I slowly and painfully understood the difference between my limited , fearful concept of love and the real magnificient , unbridled , huge and humbling power that is the real deal.

I often wondered ,why it was so much easier for me to express my love and appreciation for people I barely knew than for those that were closest to me. Perhaps the closer you are , the more the expectations …the more the conditions.

In my journey to my centre, to my authentic self…I have slowly shed my expectations and my conditions.
I started loving me ,without needing anything to be changed, to be improved upon.
I started wholeheartedly loving me.

And then the miracle happened.

I was free now, to love others and be who I was born to be.
That light of love, shining in someone elses dark hour…carrying them through and then quietly slipping away as they learnt to find their own light of love within them.
Knowing that their lights had shone upon me too , with no conditions attached. That inadvertently , I was receiving as much love as I was giving away so freely …that beautiful love with no conditions attached 💕


The meandering path

” Is raah pe chalte chalte ek chuppi si cha gayi hai
Jahan kal meri jabaan rukti na thi
Wahan aaj bolne se katrati hai

Is chupi main, na aasoon hai , na koi bhi gham.
Dil ki awaaz hi bas ab ,mere liye kafi hai


There are different stages that one goes through, on the spiritual quest…every stage impermanent and interesting…if one chooses to look at it that way.

You can get attached to some phases …wanting to identify with them….but the whole journey is of meandering impermanence.

So remaining quietly aware and open to each transistion is the path of least resistance.

There is a phase when one wants to hibernate/ incubate / just be.

The quiet phase.

But then there is a phase where the joy of being on the physical plane takes on a new meaning and every little thing gives immense pleasure.

The attention goes outward again but the watcher is deeper inside you.
No longer on the surface. So one sees the same world with new eyes

” Aaj kal main,
kucch badal sa gaya hai
Sara jahaan, jaise baarish main,
dhul sa gaya hai
Har cheez mujhe ab aur saaf nazar aaye
Lekin  toote hue patte ki tarah ab mujhe , idhar udhar na kheench paye.

Yeh zindagi mujhe ab rehmat si lage
Sabhi aur dushman kam ,aur dost zyaada lage
Dekha jaye toh shaayad sabhi waisa hi hai jaise kal tha
Sirf mere purane nazariye ka kasoor tha

Sabhi mere jaise hi hain
Aur main unse mukhtalif kahaan
Sab yeh samajh jaye
Toh kitna sundar ho hamaara jahaan”

Why does it happen the way it does ?

This earth experience is so very beautifully designed for a soul’s excursion into each lifetime.

Ever wondered why we have this complex method of being born?

If we are all individual expressions of source, why can’t we, just one day, simply come into existence?

Why do we come through our parents in the way we do ?
Why do we have the family we do ?

Why is there an age differential between our parents and us and our next generation?

Why is there even the concept of linear time ?
Why cannot everything start and end together ?
Why do we have to witness our parents age and become old whilst we watch our young ones go through the all familiar stages that we went through ?

When I think about these questions, Im in awe at how beautifully this single lifetime has been designed.

The different permutations and combinations are all perfect. 

Everything is designed to help us have the maximum experience possible.

Now it comes down to each one of us. Do we go through this incredible opportunity in a half asleep state or with the realisation of how precious and wonderful this opportunity is !

We can complain our way through it, live fearfully or we can embrace it all, growing through the process, using this wonderful opportunity to grow our hearts bigger than our physical bodies !

The First Tear drop

A single tear
The prelude to
A storm waiting to break
Like a cloud laden …..
With a zillion tears
lying in silent wait

Afraid of allowing that first drop
Afraid of the darkness it comes from
Afraid of what it unleashes
Afraid that once it starts,
It shall go on and on…

I wonder sometimes
if Im entirely made up of tears
Of darkness, of shadows that hide my
deepest fears

What if, when the storm is done
And there are no more tears

What if there is no longer even me

perhaps that is what I truly fear

Rememberance of wholeness

The universe has a way of sending us messages through our own impulses and things we intuitively are attracted to.
Ive been attracted to a series called Rizzoli and Isles.

What attracted me to the series was the strong and beautiful relationship between two strong female protagonists.

Both are like the yin and yang aspects of each other.

Both have strong viewpoints and vulnerabilities and both are unapologetically authentic.

The strong and yet sensitive bond they share.
The kind of love that sees them through many phases of their individual lives. Their deep friendship is stronger than familial bonds and romantic relationships.

They lead their own lives, give each other respect and space, allow and encourage each others growth, and have each others backs through it all.

A while ago, I also started on this painting of 2 women which was inspired by a photo I saw on the internet.

It attracted me and I am enjoying the process of allowing it to come through me.

I have a glimmer of understanding of some of the energies that are coming through into my conscious awareness.

Some of the understandings are these….the yin and yang aspects we see playing out outside of us and always striving for the complete balance, actually exist inside us and are merely reflected outside too.

If we come into a balance of our own yin and yang aspects, regardless of what sex we perceive ourselves to be, without needing to be one more than the other, without needing anyone else to play this balancing role for us, we come into a state of ‘remembering’ our wholeness.

For we were always meant to be whole. Always complete. Naturally expressing both aspects in perfect balance.

For my LIAM

As you turn 20,
In a land far from home
I wish I could protect you
No matter where you roam.

“You are my sunshine “
I sang this to you when you were born
I meant every word and….
You have shone through every single storm.

I know your worth,
probably more than you do
Your heart is tender and oh so very true

Its such a revelation
to see you step into your own
To watch you unfold life with an eagerness and a willingness…..
to take it ALL on.

To take the good with the bad
With wisdom beyond your years
To learn to love yourself unconditionally,
Through laughter and through tears

Its a strange thing…this mommy thing
As YOU grow…..
MY heart grows …
In love, in kindness
In compassion, tolerance
In patience, in understanding
In ways that my mind would’nt know

Happy 20th Birthday my baby
I wish for you everything
You wish for yourself, this year.
I love you to the moon and back
So never you fear !


False Foundation

“The dark night of the soul”

One of the major jobs of the ego is to encase you in a particular way of seeing yourself.
In which most others are at fault or to blame.

Your own transgressions or faults, if at all admitted by the ego, are mildly stained with the air of righteousness or ” see how grand I am to be admitting to this fault.”

The ego feels as if you have a solid foundation upon which everything else is built.

Once the ego inevitably starts to crack and finally shatters, it leaves you open to seeing the truth clearly in a way that was not seen before, perhaps only sensed.

This truth can look scary, ugly without the comforting delusion of the ego.

Confronting clarity can be a painful and disorienting process.

But once seen, this clarity cannot be unseen.

The very foundation upon which the entire story of life was built is now no longer firm at all, but very shaky and unreliable and shifting and sliding in its dying throes.

Now there is a choice to be made.

Stay on the false foundation (which was always only an illusion), or free fall.

Many try to salvage what can be salvaged to stay in the illusion just a ” little bit longer “.
The fear of the unknown can be a huge stumbling block to freedom from this stage of evolution.

The other choice is to surrender to the Free Fall.

With the deepest faith you have which comes from the depth of the soul.

Free fall through the shaky shifty egoic foundation ………fall until you reach the true foundation.

Being completely vulnerable ….much like how we all were at the point of our birth.

Not knowing….just trusting the flow.

This can feel like a death because its the death of all that you have known or thought you knew.

The dark night of the soul.

The neccesary path that pushes you through to the final stretch.

It feels like a death but its not merely a death…it is the birth of something new, something real, something finally true.


Everywhere I hold on too tightly to anything, life gently but firmly pries my fingers open.

Life is not a villain…just a wise teacher
that wants me to know that she will hold me even if I feel I have nothing left to hold on to.

Life wants me to know my own power.
The power I so often forget is mine.
The power I so often seek outside of me.

Life is not unkind.

Life knows something that I have yet to know fully…

Life knows that if I allow myself to freefall
Finally trusting her completely….
She will lift me up in ways I could never have imagined or planned.

True Joy is a state within

” Your peace and happiness comes from inside of you and then that is what is reflected on the outside, when you hold your own inner state of being and no longer allow it to be affected by anyone or anything outside of you.

Wanting others to be happy is you still thinking you have any control over what they are choosing.

You are only ever in control of your own inner environment.

The sooner you come into a state of acceptance of what others are choosing and do not allow whatever they are choosing to affect your choice of peace on the inside…the sooner you set yourself free.
You are already joy on the inside. Already fun🌻

All you need to do is remove the blocks to your joy.
This is not other people or circumstances of your life.
Its usually the way you ” think” about your life.

Your mind is the one that complicates what is simple.
Being joyful and having fun does not require a certain set of circumstances or people in place. It requires you to remove the internal blocks you have developed to being joy and fun. It requires you to CHOOSE JOY DAILY.

That is why, you will find that true fun , true joy are something you can find in sipping a cup of hot coffee or just merely sleeping in a comfortable bed, or seeing people around you.

Its not to do with ANYTHING or anyone outside of you.

It is a state within.”

The path of Healing

You cannot fight what is hidden
Nor heal wounds you don’t acknowledge….

Nor transcend the pain which hurts your being
That comes in waves from places unseen ….

You can only love it all
and coax it into the light
The light that shines so brilliantly that nothing can ever hide

The light that heals parts of you….
you never knew were broken
The light that floods your very being
And fills you with peace unspoken.

You only need to stop and pray
And then….
The Light of Love illuminates the way …..


“Dying …and yet ….”

As I go through this journey called life, the “me” that I thought was “me” dies bit by bit every day.

In fact there is the glimmer of an understanding that this is what was meant to happen all along.
If the “me” that I thought was ” me ” had known this was inevitable, Im not sure that this ” me ” would have come in so willingly.

When I was younger, my mom would take me for movies without telling me that the main characters died in the end because she knew I would not go to see the movie if she told me.

My heart could not take the heartbreak of what was ‘ lost forever ‘

The beauty in ” my ” dying, bit by bit, is that, as the ” me” that I thought was” me” dies….it no longer feels as tragic.

There is a gradual acceptance and even mild curiosity at the prospect of allowing this death….to see what then remains or emerges.