I was born to love. I was born to give that love unconditionally. I was also born to receive that love unconditionally.
I started out by giving and receiving it fully…but as I grew, I also started noticing, how sometimes, the love given to me came with certain ,very subtle conditions.
As an adult, I realise , that that was me confusing love with approval or acceptance. True love …in all of its forms , is unconditional. It does not diminish with time , is not affected by moods, and definitely has no conditions attached to it. I came to associate ‘ love ‘ with hurt , with let downs, with pain.
I put up guards around my heart and became very ,very careful with who I allowed in and more importantly, who I gave my love to ,without worrying about how they could use it to hurt me. That was( ironically) me, putting so many conditions to that very love that I was born to give and receive freely.
As I grew in awareness, I slowly and painfully understood the difference between my limited , fearful concept of love and the real magnificient , unbridled , huge and humbling power that is the real deal.
I often wondered ,why it was so much easier for me to express my love and appreciation for people I barely knew than for those that were closest to me. Perhaps the closer you are , the more the expectations …the more the conditions.
In my journey to my centre, to my authentic self…I have slowly shed my expectations and my conditions.
I started loving me ,without needing anything to be changed, to be improved upon.
I started wholeheartedly loving me.
And then the miracle happened.
I was free now, to love others and be who I was born to be.
That light of love, shining in someone elses dark hour…carrying them through and then quietly slipping away as they learnt to find their own light of love within them.
Knowing that their lights had shone upon me too , with no conditions attached. That inadvertently , I was receiving as much love as I was giving away so freely …that beautiful love with no conditions attached 💕
Have the courage to look into the eyes of everyone you meet. Their eyes tell a story that their words often cannot.
Before that, have the courage to look into the eyes that stare at you in your mirror. Look into those eyes with love, with kindness. If you can do that, looking into another persons eyes becomes so much easier.
There is a tendency to look down upon the ego mind when we become ” spiritual” What does Spirituality truly mean ? It means simply that there is a recognition of oneness. That EVERYTHING is connected…….is ONE. So in my understanding so far, the ego mind is very much a part of the ONE as well. It is, in fact, in our judgement and condemnation or disapproval of it that we see separation all over again. So what is true spirituality ? The ability to love ourselves and others with no judgement, and complete acceptance and compassion. To be in a human experience IS to have an ego mind. However to transcend the ego mind does not mean to condemn it or look down upon it. It means to love oneself and others INSPITE of it.
” I am whatever you choose to be, what you have chosen to be and whatever you can choose to be……so how can I ever judge you, or feel inferior/ superior to you?
How can I ever feel ‘ hurt ‘ by something YOU do? How can I do anything other than simply Love you ?
I am EVERYTHING you are, (and are not) because YOU ARE ME and I AM YOU. “
❤- “When your heart starts to pulsate with love and it grows to fill up your body and you are a walking talking embodiment of love…..thats when you are “enlightened “
Me – ” But there are some ‘ enlightened masters ‘ who have been angry at times, or been short with those that are not coming from a place of love lets say. How does that work? Are they Love at that time “
“Well think of it like this, Love takes many different forms. When a parent lets a child make a mistake so that the child can learn…that is Love. When the parent protects the child by giving guidance from experience…that too is Love. Love can be firm if that is what it takes sometimes to uplift someone. “
Me- So what is the best way to be love?
I was shown a being standing with a mirror in front of different people. A child, an old person, a cripple, a sick person….but the mirror only shows them as the being thats holding it. Then the mirror went away and I realised it was the heart that filled up the being that was the true mirror. The embodiment of Love …reflecting the highest form of anyone and only seeing the highest form of anyone…therefore inspiring those, that are ready to look at themselves to know that they are that which they see reflected in Love. Once they see themselves as that, they remember “
” When you start to break the shackles of your earthly limitations and operate from outside the matrix , those that are still bound , sense it with their energy which is connected to yours. It can feel threatening to them because they sense they are not yet ready to let go themselves. They feel fearful of what is ,as yet , unknown to them. This may be because they still need to work through and overcome the effects of the choices made by them in fear. It is like veils upon their sight not allowing them to see clearly who they truly are. These veils keep them in darkness. Your light unnerves them. In this case, they try with all the means available to them to hold you within the same self imposed limitations that you initially operated from. They try their best to frighten you back into submission to the ego’s guidelines through various means and designs. To give them credit for intentionality , they are frightened FOR you as they do not yet understand this freedom from fear because they still operate from it. Look upon these fellow travellers not with irritation and resentment or even mild impatience, because that is merely your own ego mind trying its best to also align you to what it knows best. Look upon them instead, with compassion and pure presence. When their energy senses the absence of fear and instead the pure presence of Love and faith, they have no choice left, but to either follow their souls instinct to join you in your liberation or choose to remain in the shadow and control of fear in all of its disguises. In either case, there is perfection. Because fear cannot outlive Love. “
It is when we realise that expectations set us up for disappointment that we learn to let them go. ” You do you and just be you, I will still accept you.” Now thats the true meaning of Love. The highest, best, most liberating form of Love. Accepting one another as we are. Easier said than done, we say. No, not really. When we accept ourselves with all of our own quirks, perceived flaws etc, we are then ready to accept another, in the same way. Self acceptance leads to love in our hearts for all …and it starts with us accepting ourselves in a deep way. Expectations come from a notion we have, of how things and people ” ought to be.”
Ought to be , according to who?
Each one of us is SUCH a bundle of uniqueness…….even if we tried, which bundle of uniqueness would we all agree to conform with ?
Would not the charm of relationships just fade away if we were all exact clones of eachother…wanting the same things…being the same …..living the same way. Where is the joy in that ? Where is the growth in that ? So you do you ! Be you ! I will accept you as you are. Because I accept me ……as I am❤
1) When we are ‘ IN’ our human experience, there is duality (yin and yang), ( good & bad) , ( gain & loss), (joy & suffering) …you get the idea.
2) When in this experience of duality, we experience something good , we become estatic, euphoric and we forget that if we can experience the highs…..the lows are also inevitable.
ACCEPTING that both are possible in this human experience, is the first step towards liberation from suffering and therefore lead to Equanimity. The ability to stay balanced , even whilst a storm rages around you, knowing that it is all merely an experience aimed at your growth.
3) Rememberance is the key. Rememberance that you are at the same time, both present in the human experience and in higher spiritual realms. So all you need to do, is constantly and consistently practise shifting your consciousness to a spiritual level. What does that mean?
I often give the example of a maze. You exist at a human level inside the maze, but at the same time, your spiritual consciousness also simultaneously exists above, below and around the maze. So when you are IN that maze…you have a choice. You can choose to walk around, trying this or that, bumping into obstacles, suffering, OR at ANY TIME, you can choose to RISE above the human consciousness and into your spiritual awareness. How do you do that ? You remember to practise stepping into alignment with your highest, best self DAILY, consistently. What is your highest, best self? It is the most expansive , unconditional, loving, giving, accepting , forgiving, patient, understanding, generous, compassionate , empathetic, kindest part of you !
It helps to remember that the Divine Source of everything or God exists in everyone you meet. I like to pretend it is God in different disguises.
Especially use this when you are judging someone or disliking someone, you will notice how dramatically you shift in your attitude towards them.
4) Once you practise rememberance and practise shifting into a higher, more expansive awareness at all times, then you will see the same thing from a much larger perspective and very often , immediately the suffering will drop and you will be able to look at the situation or person who is causing you angst in the human experience , with a very neutral and lovingly detached outlook. At that time, instead of having a ” this is so horrible ” ” oh no what am I going to do ” etc, you are then able to look at the same situation / person and say ,” Hmm how interesting ! “ At this moment ask yourself the question, what would LOVE do ? Because that is what Divine source is…and essentially that is then what YOU are too ! STEP INTO LOVE. BECOME LOVE. REMEMBER THAT YOU ALWAYS WERE, LOVE.
5) THEN , when you are ready to go back into the human experience, you can deal with it completely differently , whilst remaining in alignment with your highest best self.
Why was everything presented in riddles/ parables by the teachers ? Not presented in a straightforward way ?
“At that time , too many religious practices had murkied the still and clear waters of the human mind. The heart was no longer in control… if things were presented as they were, they would be immediately rejected , and they WERE rejected by many as many teachers, older souls tried also to present things as they were. The mind likes complications and the heart simplicity. This path can only be walked with the heart in charge as that alone knows faith . The heart alone recognises the truth of Love in all its simplicity. Use your heart and you will understand the ‘ riddles ‘ / parables / stories. Using your mind , you will scrape the surface. If you recall, the few that walked this path always had some ” disciples” who understood and accepted the simple truth that was being explained. They would have no need for parables / stories. The parables / stories served to placate the minds of those that did not yet understand the simplicity of the message. Those in whom the mind with all of its fearful thinking, was in charge…it felt important and soothed at the same time. The stories taught everyone different things….because different ones were at different levels of understanding , want, and faith. This is how the truth has survived through the ages and still reaches many. Those that choose to distort the very very simple truths in those stories and also those that are ready. If the truths were told the way they were, those that did not understand them and were in the throes of fear, would reject them. Not only reject them but also declare them as going against the very One whose truth was being expressed. A good teacher teaches lessons in such a way that all the students benefit in some way or another. The teacher does not teach only the ones who are closer to understanding. He touches their hearts and in that way causes them to remember. He reminds them, through the stories / parables that touch the heart, that the heart will lead them correctly. The heart alone will show them how to remember all that their mind made them bury.”
” Nothing has any meaning other than the meaning Ive assigned to it. “
Seems a simple enough concept to understand and accept, until you realise that it applies to everything and….everyone.
To say that a spoon or a picture means nothing, other than the meaning Ive assigned to it, is easy enough to accept and understand.
Today, with a sudden flash of understanding though, I realised that this principle also applied to my aspirations, my relationships as well as, my ultimate dreams.
Like the “House in the hills.”
I have thought, that ever since I could remember, Ive wanted to ‘own’ my dream house in the hills.
A house that was perfect in every way. Had all of my perfect rooms, reading nooks , fireplaces, huge kitchen, cosy living rooms etc etc.
I realise now, that with every other little dream that crashed and burnt, my dream house became a little more ‘perfect’. Every relationship that hurt, every loved one that I lost, atleast I still had my dream house. Nobody could take that away from me.
My ‘ House in the Hills ‘ , my dream home, would make up for ALL the hurt, the loss and the let downs along the way and all would be ultimately well, when I finally got to it. I WOULD have my ” Happily ever after”. There was no two ways about that.
The egoic mind attaches itself to various anchors and builds fortresses to keep safe. The anchor can be relationships , people, jobs , bank balances, name and fame…the list is literally endless.
The soul almost always gets buried under all of this clutter. Almost. It never stops shining through the clutter. Never stops calling out to you. Never stops urging and nudging you. When you feel invested in something you feel ought to give you joy and it doesn’t – the soul is responsible. When you feel a sudden spurt of joy in something totally unexpected and against your conditioning, thats your soul again.
A lot has led up to this moment today, when Ive realised completely and irrevocably that the ” House in the hills” has no other meaning other than what Ive assigned to it, over all these years.
Today I forced myself to look at when this ” House in the Hills ” was born.
It was born the day that my grandfather died. I grew up in Dehra Dun in a home that my mom and nanaji built when I was very little and my sister “littler ” still. My first memories are of running up and down the little ‘ hills’ of stones and cement and sand that were piled up at the building site of our home. Nanaji sitting in a folding chair in the sun, reading his newspaper, taking turns with mommy in supervising the workers. Im not even sure if that is a real memory. My mind plays tricks on me Ive realised, to get me even more emotionally invested than I am. I do not remember the day the house was finally complete, I do not remember moving in. I do not remember our first moments there.
This is what I DO remember – I remember waking to the sounds of the clear, crisp mornings, to nanaji doing the japuji sahib in our prayer room, to the sounds of naniji busy preparing breakfast in the kitchen or cribbing at the jamadar bhaiya for not cleaning properly, to the feeling of pure joy on being cuddled by mommy , nani and nanaji.
I remember mornings when I used to run into nanaji’s room to climb into his arms as he listened to his radio- the feel of his open beard as it tickled me- the wonderful smile that crinkled up his face and beamed out of his beautiful eyes. The feeling that we were the most precious things in the world- most loved, most cherished – my sister and I.
I remember nani singing ” oh oontha walia ” in her sweet lilting voice at my prodding. Me jiggling the sweet flab under her arms whilst she told us bedtime stories. Her cooking in that beautiful kitchen which felt as if it was always filled with light. Making simple meals now that I look back, but the taste of which I have never found again, except in my little sisters cooking. I remember laying out the table for naniji , helping her and mommy clear up, and putting plates in the sink which my sister and me had to step on a wooden stool to reach.
I remember watching nani dress up every evening for tea…putting on her pearls and a hint of lipstick. Tea felt like an important and lovely tradition, even if there was no one coming to it except us.
I remember mommy braiding my hair whilst trying to get both me and my sister ready for school. I remember nanaji and mommy playing taash in the afternoons whilst Archu and me sat at either end of the radiogramme with our ears glued to each speaker and singing along with our favourite songs.
I remember each room of that house , the pride naniji took in it, the pride that rubbed off on me. I remember the bead curtain that mommy suddenly decided to make separating the living room and the dining room. I remember her collection of Russian dolls in the display cabinets that I longed to hold.
Most of all, I remember the lime, litchi and mango trees in our backyard, the hedges and plants that for some reason , I would speak to, the Christmas trees outside that were planted and were shorter than me but soon became my height and then way way taller than me. I remember playing oonch- neech , ghar ghar with my hapless cousin who we gave no choice in the matter ( 2 girls against 1 boy), Ramu Ramu , wrapping mommys dupattas around our heads, pretending to have long hair.
I remember the sheer beauty of it raining outside whilst we were all cosy inside- wrapped up in love.
The peace , the tranquility, the nature, the weather , the cold water from the taps but most of all , the love. The family. The togetherness. The feeling of being loved and protected, the feeling that all was well in my world. That is what I felt that house represented.
And when nanaji died, with it that feeling did too. I tried desperately to find that feeling in other things and people. In every house I moved to, I tried to recreate that feeling. Maybe I even did, for my children. I don’t really know. I know I did not find it the way I remembered it. Thats when I started to build the ” House in the Hills ” in my heart. Where that feeling would finally be. Like I said, every hurt, every disappointment, just made me look forward to that house more, made that house more desirable, more appealing.
But my wretched soul. It knows the truth and will not allow me to turn my face away from it. The ” House in the Hills ” only has meaning because Ive assigned that meaning to it. My soul knows that the attaining of it, will not bring me the ultimate joy Im seeking. That joy lies in my world right now, right under my nose. In the little moments that make up my day now with my loved ones. In the shared cups of coffee with my husband, first thing in the morning. The little jokes that only the two of us understand, in the ” together huggies ” we all give eachother. In the precious time we spend with our families, friends…. our loved ones.
As my realisation grows that love is right here, right now, Im happy to let my ” House in the Hills ” fade away. Its rooms are pretty wonderful but they do not hold the key of my happiness.
“Only Love is real. Everything that is not love therefore…….is not really real. So Be IN love. “
If only Love is real why do I feel hurt and why do I suffer?
“Because only love is real and when you are not IN Love…….. it is the separation from Love that hurts.”
What do you mean ? Not IN love?
” When you are unhappy you are not in love When you feel sorry for yourself, you are not in love When you feel the need to judge , you are not in love When you get angry or sad you are not in Love. You see there can be many instances when you are not in Love and therefore feel separated from it and THAT is what really hurts. “
So how can I be in Love ALL the time ? Is that even possible ?
“What do you think this journey is all about ultimately if not that ? It is not only possible. It is the only thing that is POSSIBLE. BECAUSE ONLY LOVE IS REAL. You are exploring the illusion of separation just to really experience this truth of who you are firsthand. “
Treat Praise and Blame exactly the same. Have nothing to do with either. Coming from a place of quiet, within, there is no acceptance nor rejection. Just an awareness which is focussed within. The egoic mind will pull you fiercely this way and that , trying to hook you up into the outer world by trying to make you buy into praise, shame, blame, fame etc. But if you remain politely uninterested in either, you will reclaim your true joy. Its tricky. Your mind will tell you , its ok to reject the blame but be happy when you get praised. Thats the trickiest part. The moment you buy into that, its a slippery road. If you allow yourself to be uplifted by something that is outside of you,(someone elses perspective) then you give them the power to throw you down as well (afterall in this ever changing world, praise can become blame very quickly)
Learn to practise disengaging yourself gently and with compassion from other peoples opinions. They do not mean to hurt you. They are learning, as are you. However if you do disengage, you find independence and clarity and a joy that is not tied up to other peoples opinions, beliefs, moods, life situations, conditioning etc etc etc!
Therefore you find you remain sunny and pleasant, no matter what storms rage around you.
When we are asked a question, the part of us which is the ego mind usually jumps in trying to quickly answer. Why ? Because it wants to appear knowledgeable (its sense of worth is connected to how much it knows and how you are perceived by others) or because it does not want to appear ignorant (fear).
The problem with this approach, is that the ” answers ” are coming from your subconscious bank.. They do not necessarily work all the time and feel mechanical. They do not touch you or another with as much impact. They are not coming from your ” heart space.” Your subconscious bank is built up by a lot of your own conditioning and belief systems developed over years and years.
However vast it may be, it is still limited information.
Whereas you can have access to unlimited information, if you hit the pause button and then channel the answer instead.
Have you noticed that the only way we can channel correct , profound and dynamic information, is by going into silence. The going into silence is us hitting that pause button, accepting that we do not know it all from our limited subconscious and conscious state and asking and allowing thereafter.
When we pause and accept that we know nothing…we have an “empty” space, that then allows for the ” knowing ” to come in. This is far more profound, simple and therefore more effective in hitting home.
Another reason we should hit the pause button often and go within before we jump in to talk.
In addition to this , there is a welcome relief from the pressure the egoic mind has on us, the pressure of ‘knowing it all’.
Its such a relief, to feel within your body, that you know nothing.
When you come from a place of knowing nothing , you allow the one that really knows it all, to step in.