The universe has a way of sending us messages through our own impulses and things we intuitively are attracted to.
Ive been attracted to a series called Rizzoli and Isles.

What attracted me to the series was the strong and beautiful relationship between two strong female protagonists.

Both are like the yin and yang aspects of each other.

Both have strong viewpoints and vulnerabilities and both are unapologetically authentic.

The strong and yet sensitive bond they share.
The kind of love that sees them through many phases of their individual lives. Their deep friendship is stronger than familial bonds and romantic relationships.

They lead their own lives, give each other respect and space, allow and encourage each others growth, and have each others backs through it all.

A while ago, I also started on this painting of 2 women which was inspired by a photo I saw on the internet.

It attracted me and I am enjoying the process of allowing it to come through me.

I have a glimmer of understanding of some of the energies that are coming through into my conscious awareness.

Some of the understandings are these….the yin and yang aspects we see playing out outside of us and always striving for the complete balance, actually exist inside us and are merely reflected outside too.

If we come into a balance of our own yin and yang aspects, regardless of what sex we perceive ourselves to be, without needing to be one more than the other, without needing anyone else to play this balancing role for us, we come into a state of ‘remembering’ our wholeness.

For we were always meant to be whole. Always complete. Naturally expressing both aspects in perfect balance.

As you turn 20,
In a land far from home
I wish I could protect you
No matter where you roam.

“You are my sunshine “
I sang this to you when you were born
I meant every word and….
You have shone through every single storm.

I know your worth,
probably more than you do
Your heart is tender and oh so very true

Its such a revelation
to see you step into your own
To watch you unfold life with an eagerness and a willingness…..
to take it ALL on.

To take the good with the bad
With wisdom beyond your years
To learn to love yourself unconditionally,
Through laughter and through tears

Its a strange thing…this mommy thing
As YOU grow…..
MY heart grows …
In love, in kindness
In compassion, tolerance
In patience, in understanding
In ways that my mind would’nt know

Happy 20th Birthday my baby
I wish for you everything
You wish for yourself, this year.
I love you to the moon and back
So never you fear !

Love
Mommy

“The dark night of the soul”

One of the major jobs of the ego is to encase you in a particular way of seeing yourself.
In which most others are at fault or to blame.

Your own transgressions or faults, if at all admitted by the ego, are mildly stained with the air of righteousness or ” see how grand I am to be admitting to this fault.”

The ego feels as if you have a solid foundation upon which everything else is built.

Once the ego inevitably starts to crack and finally shatters, it leaves you open to seeing the truth clearly in a way that was not seen before, perhaps only sensed.

This truth can look scary, ugly without the comforting delusion of the ego.

Confronting clarity can be a painful and disorienting process.

But once seen, this clarity cannot be unseen.

The very foundation upon which the entire story of life was built is now no longer firm at all, but very shaky and unreliable and shifting and sliding in its dying throes.

Now there is a choice to be made.

Stay on the false foundation (which was always only an illusion), or free fall.

Many try to salvage what can be salvaged to stay in the illusion just a ” little bit longer “.
The fear of the unknown can be a huge stumbling block to freedom from this stage of evolution.

The other choice is to surrender to the Free Fall.

With the deepest faith you have which comes from the depth of the soul.

Free fall through the shaky shifty egoic foundation ………fall until you reach the true foundation.

Being completely vulnerable ….much like how we all were at the point of our birth.

Not knowing….just trusting the flow.

This can feel like a death because its the death of all that you have known or thought you knew.

The dark night of the soul.

The neccesary path that pushes you through to the final stretch.

It feels like a death but its not merely a death…it is the birth of something new, something real, something finally true.

Everywhere I hold on too tightly to anything, life gently but firmly pries my fingers open.

Life is not a villain…just a wise teacher
that wants me to know that she will hold me even if I feel I have nothing left to hold on to.

Life wants me to know my own power.
The power I so often forget is mine.
The power I so often seek outside of me.

Life is not unkind.

Life knows something that I have yet to know fully…

Life knows that if I allow myself to freefall
Finally trusting her completely….
She will lift me up in ways I could never have imagined or planned.
–

” Your peace and happiness comes from inside of you and then that is what is reflected on the outside, when you hold your own inner state of being and no longer allow it to be affected by anyone or anything outside of you.

Wanting others to be happy is you still thinking you have any control over what they are choosing.

You are only ever in control of your own inner environment.

The sooner you come into a state of acceptance of what others are choosing and do not allow whatever they are choosing to affect your choice of peace on the inside…the sooner you set yourself free.
You are already joy on the inside. Already fun🌻

All you need to do is remove the blocks to your joy.
This is not other people or circumstances of your life.
Its usually the way you ” think” about your life.

Your mind is the one that complicates what is simple.
Being joyful and having fun does not require a certain set of circumstances or people in place. It requires you to remove the internal blocks you have developed to being joy and fun. It requires you to CHOOSE JOY DAILY.

That is why, you will find that true fun , true joy are something you can find in sipping a cup of hot coffee or just merely sleeping in a comfortable bed, or seeing people around you.

Its not to do with ANYTHING or anyone outside of you.

It is a state within.”

You cannot fight what is hidden
Nor heal wounds you don’t acknowledge….

Nor transcend the pain which hurts your being
That comes in waves from places unseen ….

You can only love it all
and coax it into the light
The light that shines so brilliantly that nothing can ever hide

The light that heals parts of you….
you never knew were broken
The light that floods your very being
And fills you with peace unspoken.

You only need to stop and pray
And then….
The Light of Love illuminates the way …..

Simi

As I go through this journey called life, the “me” that I thought was “me” dies bit by bit every day.

In fact there is the glimmer of an understanding that this is what was meant to happen all along.
If the “me” that I thought was ” me ” had known this was inevitable, Im not sure that this ” me ” would have come in so willingly.

When I was younger, my mom would take me for movies without telling me that the main characters died in the end because she knew I would not go to see the movie if she told me.

My heart could not take the heartbreak of what was ‘ lost forever ‘

The beauty in ” my ” dying, bit by bit, is that, as the ” me” that I thought was” me” dies….it no longer feels as tragic.

There is a gradual acceptance and even mild curiosity at the prospect of allowing this death….to see what then remains or emerges.

There is something to be said for disillusionment.
It merely means, not buying into an illusion anymore.

Of perceiving something, as it really is, and not how your illusion caused you to see it.

Disillusionment is often associated with pain, hurt and disappointment.

However, this same disillusionment has the potential to bring you closer to clarity.

Clarity that is like a bright light shining on the path ahead of you.

Clarity that makes decisions so much easier. Clarity that helps you stay centred and grounded.

The way I perceive it, a hut built on solid ground is way better than a palace in a mirage.

I notice that when I look at things usually, I don’t really LOOK at them.

I almost assume they are there.

It is because, in my past experience, I have known them to be there.

My mind uses these things as hooks and triggers to generate stories which have very little to do with what I actually SEE in the moment. These stories have very little coherence and my mind jumps from one thing to another creating chaos and distractions.

My mind, when focussed on observing something (because it has been tasked to do so) has the ability to zone out everything else and therefore can be trained to focus and not be chaotic.

My mind creates the stories around people, places, things that I observe.
Most stories are created because of the past beliefs I have around these which in turn have either come from what I have experienced or have learnt from others experiences.
These beliefs act as hooks to past experiences or past” knowings”, which  then act as triggers and taint new and fresh experiences with old ideas and experiences, not allowing me to experience them as if Im doing so for the first time, which makes me (over time) lose my sense of wonder, enthusiasm and joy.

What if I started to look at people, places and things as if I was looking at them for the very first time.
Would that not enhance all of my senses ? Would that not make everything novel and exciting ?

My mind is what eventually makes me jaded, cynical or bitter.
My heart in turn is affected by my minds chatter. My mind taints the beauty of my soul if I allow it to and eventually shuts me down.
However if my heart remains in charge and becomes stronger in its influence over me than my mind, its beautiful acceptance, faith, joy, stillness and love eventually soothes the mind and I remain ALIVE AND ALIGHT.

Dissolve into life until there is no more a
” you” that is separate from it.
Until YOU become life itself….
Like sugar stirred into hot tea.
All you can taste is the sweetness…you cannot separate the sugar from the water or tea leaves.

All is One.

We stand out, looking in, trying to understand ourselves so that we can control our lives and can go in a ‘desired’ direction.

We can never truly understand life by being outside of it, being separate from it.

Dissolving, surrendering is the final step…that final death of the ego.

It usually happens when we leave our physical bodies and go back to spirit. However, it is possible for us even whilst we are still in our physical forms.

We can start by choosing to let go of that which we have carefully nurtured and fiercely protected – our individual identities.

We can choose this,little by little, in baby steps, by not being so strong in our likes and dislikes, and thereafter by training ourselves to become mere observers of the one that ” likes ” and “dislikes”.

After that, we can choose to disengage gently but firmly with the illusion of the ” desirable” and “undesirable”.

We surrender, we merge, we fuse with all that is.
With grace, with love, with joy.

Selflessness in its purest form.

Being nothing ….but becoming everything.

– Simi