At times empaths or highly compassionate and usually caring souls seem to display or feel apathy or a complete lack of sympathy in certain situations or with certain other people.
This puzzles them and makes them think something is ‘ wrong ‘ with them. But this feeling of sudden detachment and apathy arises, because they are old souls.
They either recognise the underlying truth of the situation (for example death is merely a changing of forms and not really the end or in other cases, what is showing up is merely consequences of choices made and as old souls who have done this countless times, they recognise that its ok and so they do not ” feel” pulled into the ” drama” aspect of what is playing out….in those times its almost as if they are unplugged from the matrix and looking in ….very detached and composed.
Yet in other times, things like a beautiful piece of lemon in their tea which looks like the petals of a flower or acts of love and kindness and compassion in others will move them to tears of unbridled joy.
In these moments they are recognising the ” truth ” again.
The ” Love ” behind it all.
A lot of what ” ought to” make you feel “sad” does not shake your balance and yet some thing like love or kindness or gratitude touches your soul.
The beauty of it all touches your soul and yet the drama of it leaves you unfazed.
So do not judge yourself or think you are lacking in love or kindness.
You are just more steeped in the unconditional kind of love and compassion….not the kind that is projected more whilst we are here (the one full of conditionality)
Some people are greatly gifted with words. They can use them in such beautiful ways to express their ideas and their beliefs. Reading their words, stirs your heart and moves you with the reasonance you feel within you. So if you read one thing written by them and you feel that ‘this is exactly what I feel’, then you start to feel that maybe everything they express will be something your heart feels. However, that is the time to become a bit more aware and realise, that the author is only expressing his/ her own unique view of the journey. At different times of his life, he may even contradict his own earlier understanding, which was expressed as passionately and eloquently. So now what do you believe ? Do you get confused ? Do you swing like a pendulum from one belief to the other? It is so very important to recognise that we are, each one of us, having a unique journey. We have a finely tuned guidance system within us, meant only for us. That is the ONLY guidance system which can be a true one for us. The one within each one of us. By all means learn from the experiences of those who have walked this path and are able to help with their words …but never discard your own guidance in favour of theirs. What you feel within you, is your reality. It is not for you to try and explain or convince anyone else about. Yes you can and must express it. Someone out there might take comfort from it. But know at all times that your journey, your words, only truly apply to you and someone else’s to them. Do not undermine your instincts in favour of theirs or theirs in favour of yours. Respect and honour it all and only take what reasonates with you. Leave what does not.
At different levels of consciousness, people seek to understand themselves, their world and their experiences and put it all under labels.
They seek to explain behaviours as well and put those under labels like introverts, extroverts, empaths, narcissists, optimists, pessimists etc. This system helps many to get through phases and experiences in their lives, making them feel somewhat appeased and validated that others have experienced what they have and that their angst is understood.
That based on these experiences ,systems have been put in place to explain how to deal with toxic relationships. What troubles me about this system is that it still seeks to explain the unexplainable and limit the limitless nature of who we ALL truly are. The way it appears to me right now in my understanding is that, these labels add to the divide. They further add to the ” them” and “us”. What if these are merely different levels of consciousness manifesting in certain ways of being? Would it not be so much easier to look at behaviour as being unconscious so that we can still feel compassion for each other ? Knowing that at some stage, all of us have been unconscious. Im not saying that the trauma experienced at the hands of people we label as narcissists or the extreme sensitivity we experience as empaths be negated. Not at all. These experiences feel very real. The pain feels very real.
However the moment we put these labels, we once again see the world as black and white and people as victims and perpetrators. That itself can keep us stuck in old patterns which take us nowhere new.
“Love is meant to feel openhanded…not close fisted”. I heard a beautiful talk once by a lady who rescued a bird. She was feeding her sugar water in her palm. Her hand was open and the bird rested there beautifully, drinking her sugar water.
Then this lady tried to close her palm so she could put this bird in a little cage ( her intention was to keep the bird so she could protect it and feed it), but each time she tried to close her palm, the bird flew away. When she opened it, the bird came and sat on her hand again. This is a beautiful analogy of how relationships should feel. Not close fisted but open handed.
We are not meant to smother or cage anyone or have them adhere to our perspectives or understanding of life. Or have them do what we think they should or should not do. This includes all of our relationships. The best relationships are those that are ” openhanded” and those that allow the freedom to just be.
I sat in meditation this morning and this is the message I got from my guides. ” We see ourselves as the ‘ ugly duckling’ when we look at ourselves in the mirror of our conditioning and our expectations based on this conditioning. The ugly duckling was never ugly, because the ugly duckling was NEVER EVEN A DUCK – She was a SWAN. She just did not know it. She was deemed unacceptable because she did not conform, did not fit in, was not ‘like’ the others. She did not look like them, did not have the same talents they had, she stood out because she was DIFFERENT. So they called her ugly and she believed it. She believed it until someone finally saw her for who she TRULY was and made her aware of it. There is a false mirror and a true mirror. The false mirror only starts to form when you buy into external conditioning and perceptions. The reason it is false is because it has its foundation in perceptions and conditioning and not reality.
(Reality = it is what it is )
So this mirror will present you with a false sense of self (whether you see yourself as being beautiful or ugly based on perceptions / conditioning and standards that you have bought into.)
This sense of either being beautiful or not being beautiful are both false. The only way to see the True mirror that lies behind the false one is to look deeply into your eyes – your eyes that are a window to your soul. As you come to ‘see’ your soul consistently and daily…as you make it a point to come meet your true self consistently and daily, the false mirror starts to fade away, as it was never real.
As it fades away, you are more and more, your true self, uninhibited by the false perceptions and conditionings…yours and everyone elses.
We go through many stages of life where we feel like “the ugly duckling”.
At each stage, all we need to do, is to remind ourselves that we are growing and changing, therefore no longer fitting in where we used to fit before.
We must also remind ourselves to look at the true mirror…meet our own true selves daily. When we do this, all that is unimportant and false, falls away giving us room to grow.
When we do this, we remember that we were never ugly…that we were never even ducks…we were always swans
• Keep it simple. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Be kind.
• Your energy speaks louder than words. Be kind.
• Your intentionality is all important. Be kind.
• When people are determined to misunderstand your words and your intentionality, you can be sure that their ego is hurt or involved in some way. The same goes for you. Be kind.
• Most times, they are playing out past programmes that have nothing to do with you. Do not take it personally. Be kind.
• The only way out is in. When you feel stuck, it is only because you have lost your connection to yourself …not because of any other reason. So go quiet and go within. Immediately there is relief. Be Kind.
• Allow others and allow yourself grace. Nobody gets it right all of the time. We are all learning to the best of our unique abilities. Be Kind.
• Do not assume to know anything about anyone. Even when you feel pretty sure you do. You could be wrong. Be Kind.
• Empathy is understanding that all of us can have different points of view about the same things. Be kind.
• Compassion comes when you understand that not all realise the above point….yet. It is not because they don’t want to or are stupid. It is because we all learn different things at different stages of our lives on our own paths. No path is better / advanced / truer / higher etc. All paths are unique. They all start and end the same. That is truly what matters. Remind yourself that there is still so much that you do not yet understand and that there are others who show you grace and kindness. So….yes….Be kind.
• Be kind. But start with being kind to yourself. True kindness and compassion does not exclude you. Your emotions and your feelings are important. Consider them, sit with them , nurture them and honour them. Learn the lessons they lead you to. Then allow them to move through you. There is no need to explain them, expect others to honour them or even understand them. They may not. And that is ok .
• Love and respect yourself enough to have proper boundaries. Compassion, empathy and understanding do not equate to tolerating behaviour which does not feel good in your gut. There is a reason it does not feel good.
• Drawing boundaries does not need you to be unkind or less compassionate. It just needs loving detachment and a determination to honour your path.
We are ever evolving beings. Just like the entire universe. Nothing in the universe is stagnant or stuck in one way of being. We need to step out of the way to allow this evolving to happen.
When we fuss, worry, incessantly create unproductive thoughts that separate us from our inner state of tranquility and joy, we create big resistant blocks to the natural process of evolving/ change.
Our energy was never meant to be stagnant or still, even though, at times, we find certain stages pleasurable or comfortable, certain experiences pleasurable or comfortable, certain relationships comfortable or pleasurable in the ways they were, including ourselves in certain stages of our growth, comfortable or pleasurable. The mere experience of our physical body evolving, changing and growing is the most obvious manifestation of this ever evolving state. We change from being babies to being children to teenagers and then adults and then through the different stages of adulthood. This physical experience is characterised blatantly by change and continuous unstoppable evolution and transformation. Even though the physical evolution is the most obvious one- the emotional and mental state also undergoes the same transformation and evolution. In fact there is nothing that is not touched beautifully by the hand of evolution and transformation. Seeds turn to buds and flowers or into mighty trees. Caterpillars to butterflies, clouds to rain etc. Nothing in nature resists this flow of change, this evolving. When we are not in a state of allowing (like nature always is), we create resistance. It is not the changing nature or ourselves or the world around us that causes us distress and suffering. It is our ideas/ perceptions or beliefs around this that cause us to create resistance to change. Therefore, it is our resistance to change that causes us pain and suffering. When we like the way we felt in our bodies, we want to hold on to that feeling forever. When we liked certain aspects of our world, our relationships with our loved ones, we want these aspects to remain unchanging. We are pulled towards and motivated by the feelings of joy, expansiveness, contentment and love.
Therefore, sometimes we feel that these precious ‘feel good’ feelings are to be found in the external experience (in the way our bodies look and feel or in the way our relationships are or in our social, financial status or in the way we or our ” work” are liked, loved or admired by others or in the things we create in our physical world). Inadvertently and sometimes very unconsciously, we then want to have time and situations stay just the way they are, in certain aspects and conveniently change in certain others (those where we are obviously uncomfortable). If we take a moment to step out of our minds that are focussed on this external gratification and instead dwell in the bigger picture that is our true nature, then we realise that it is not the changing that causes us distress. It is our resistance to it. It is in thinking that our joy lies outside of us, in these external things. Our joy was never meant to be tied up to these external things/ relationships which were ALWAYS meant to be transient. Our joy, peace and contentment are always with us, inside of us, deep in our consciousness, in our levels of awareness. We carry them with us but we forget in our minds instinctive unconscious attachment to the external. If instead, we accept, allow and surrender to this change that is gently incessant and inevitable, then we tune into the kind of joy that is a never ending stream of equanimity, not affected by the changing nature of our relationship to ourselves or the world. We can still tune into and feel the energies of these changes but they need no longer throw us off balance.
“There is no purpose and yet all is full of purpose. “
We look for purpose in only certain goals, activities, things, experiences etc and therefore deem only those as being important. Looking deeper, we realise every thing has purpose, especially the things we label as being ” little things”. We lose our balance when we lose this perspective, this understanding, that there are no “big” things or “little” things. It is our level of awareness that determines what we see as big and important and what we see as tiny and insignificant.
Zen masters make it a point to be so mindful of each step they take, each cup of tea they drink., each moment of their breath. They have understood its importance and its potential. They have understood that in order to maximise the experience that life offers, they must slow down and really experience it all….moment by moment, not taking ANYTHING for granted, being completely aware of it all, revelling in it all, no matter what shows up. We have been conditioned to find purpose in our work. Now noticing purpose in our play brings us back into a state of balance.