Dear Teacher, In your great wisdom, you did not teach me all there is to know.
You knew I was not ready. You also knew that I would get there in my own time and in my own unique way.
That ‘your way ‘ , was not necessarily mine. You knew that I would be impatient and upset at times, that you would not make it easier for me by just telling me what I needed to know.
I expected at times , for you to hold my hand and gently lead the way so I could get there with your knowledge and experience. But you knew better , and merely pointed me in the general direction and let me stumble and fall and find how to pick myself up and walk again. The road feels hard at times but mostly , oh so satisfying.
Because you allowed me to do it myself.
To find my own unique way to our common destination ❤
I was born to love. I was born to give that love unconditionally. I was also born to receive that love unconditionally.
I started out by giving and receiving it fully…but as I grew, I also started noticing, how sometimes, the love given to me came with certain ,very subtle conditions.
As an adult, I realise , that that was me confusing love with approval or acceptance. True love …in all of its forms , is unconditional. It does not diminish with time , is not affected by moods, and definitely has no conditions attached to it. I came to associate ‘ love ‘ with hurt , with let downs, with pain.
I put up guards around my heart and became very ,very careful with who I allowed in and more importantly, who I gave my love to ,without worrying about how they could use it to hurt me. That was( ironically) me, putting so many conditions to that very love that I was born to give and receive freely.
As I grew in awareness, I slowly and painfully understood the difference between my limited , fearful concept of love and the real magnificient , unbridled , huge and humbling power that is the real deal.
I often wondered ,why it was so much easier for me to express my love and appreciation for people I barely knew than for those that were closest to me. Perhaps the closer you are , the more the expectations …the more the conditions.
In my journey to my centre, to my authentic self…I have slowly shed my expectations and my conditions.
I started loving me ,without needing anything to be changed, to be improved upon.
I started wholeheartedly loving me.
And then the miracle happened.
I was free now, to love others and be who I was born to be.
That light of love, shining in someone elses dark hour…carrying them through and then quietly slipping away as they learnt to find their own light of love within them.
Knowing that their lights had shone upon me too , with no conditions attached. That inadvertently , I was receiving as much love as I was giving away so freely …that beautiful love with no conditions attached 💕
There is a separation happening …she feels it deep within , without wanting it, without even wanting to acknowledge it is. The separation of who she was, and the who, that is.
The one that was ….. that was dads little girl , lapping up all his wisdom with wide eyes , the one that was eager to please her family and friends, the one that cared what they felt ….much more than what she felt. The one who always wanted to do what was right by everyone and maybe not taking into account so much, as to what was right by her. The one that knew how to diffuse an explosive situation, and did so without any unnecessary delays. The one that wanted to be the right kind of daughter , sister, wife, mother, student and friend.
She is barely recognisable now. She is like a dream that was.
There is no longer that pressing need to please, to uphold people’s illusions…..much less her own.
The clarity with which she sees things , albeit unwittingly , is a clarity she no longer wishes away, even if that were a possibility. The detachment where there was too much attachment earlier , is uncomfortable but not something she is pushing away. There is , almost a lethargic acceptance ….a heaviness and lightness of her limbs…her heart.
There is so much about the relationship, that she is afraid to talk about. What started so cohesive, with them on the same page…is now, no longer so. She has picked up an entirely different book , after ages of deliberately trying to slow down and stay on the same page as him. That call from within, is insistent, incessant and so difficult to ignore.
Its not just her. She is realising slowly, that the effort she was making to slow down , was way more effort than he was making to keep up. He was not really interested in the book …just interested in keeping her by his side…turning the pages for him.
Her hold is slipping and its as if the strong breeze is just waiting to whip her away …far, far , far away……
You caught that branch as you drifted past it….wanting it to ground you…still you….soothe you. Give you a sense of belonging. The pull of the natural flow of things is now breaking that hold on that branch.
Let go. What are you so afraid of ? A new beginning ? Or a new ending ?
Life is always changing. There are no real beginnings or endings….just flowing of one into another…..flowing , merging , expanding…..that is the only constant part of life.
Let go and let life live through you. Who knows what kind of magic it shall wash up your shores ? What kind of adventures it shall bring you to. Instead of leaning away and resisting it….let go.
If you are not satisfied with the way things are in your life right now then you need to only stop and look inside. What is the climate like inside of your mind?
What thoughts are you thinking predominantly ? Are you letting your imagination take you away to deep dark hopeless places ? Or are you resting in appreciation of the now moments in your life?
What does it matter what inspiring stories you tell yourself, if you do not embody the same at all times.
List down the things in the now that please you .
That bring you to love …to loving yourself.
Use the tools available to you.
Don’t learn more.
Quantity is not necessary . You already have all that you need to change the climate in your mind forever 💕