The clarity which comes from within us, as a result of inner work, is far more satisfying and effective than a readymade solution from the outside of us, no matter which exalted guru / teaching etc it comes from.

They can only bring your focus to things that THEY, in THEIR experience, have found helpful. By no means does it mean that it would be the same for you.

Going within, armed with curiosity and a determination to be kind to yourself no matter what shows up…to be courageous enough to look at whatever shows up…however rubbishy it is …is way more effective than have someone tell you what your problem is and where your solution lies.

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It is not anyone outside of you , that is your anchor or who gives you your wings. You are your own anchor and your own wings. They merely give you the perception of being your anchor.

See things as they are and not how you wish to see them.

Truth does set free. You are like the bird that refuses to go free, even when the cage door is open. Dont you want to know what lies outside that cage ? You have a glimpse of what that freedom would be like. You mistrust your ability to come through that dark night that will precede your vision of the glorious day ..but to stay back blinded because you choose to close your eyes…its a pity.
Look back and see how many dark nights you have come through . Hasn’t the day after the darkest of nights been worth it ?
Free will is a real and tangible thing. No one sets you on any path not of your choosing. Just open your eyes and look at the choices that will serve your higher calling.

Yes you can have your loved ones along with you on this journey, but you must set yourself free in your mind and your heart.
Your heart MUST be free for you to be able to see clearly that joy and freedom are not bound by any one person … are not because of any one person. They are there for you regardless of who and what is absent or present in your life. Once you set yourself free from this limitation inside of you….you will be able to walk unhindered in your joy. Nothing outside of you will have the power to control your joy.
Its not as if they want to control it. Its more because you give them that power. All Im saying is …why should it be so ?

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My mind , my heart , my understanding is growing. There is an expansion taking place which is changing the way I act and react to everything around me.

I am , in every moment , being as true to myself , as I can possibly be. I do not see myself doing otherwise anymore.

While most of you are riding along on this crazy train with me ,with all its thrilling crazy twists and turns, this is probably bewildering for some of you that do not understand my need to be on this ride yet.
I do feel SO MUCH love and gratitude for you too…as much as I feel for those of you, who have willingly hopped on with me.

However I do not see any reason or possiblity to ‘re-adapt ‘ to your comfort zone version of me. I am so grateful that you understand and even if you don’t, I love you ❤

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The gist of all this learning is to love your neighbour as you love yourself. In the deepest way possible. No boundaries, no holding back.

Ive been getting glimpses of this huge round circle….first a huge dependency on what I perceived to be God…who, in my mind was definitely an external force…someone to be beseeched and bullied and begged from…then later someone to thank when ‘good stuff’ happened …with an underlying, almost unconscious thread of fear of judgement and retribution if there was a slacking of appreciation on my part…going on to understanding how I could create my own reality…to feeling a separation from God / Divine source where my focus changed to ME being the creator of my life… completely in charge of me .

This phase had me focussing on self awareness , self acceptance and self love…so much of ‘ Self’ !
I felt the distance from the Divine source….the furthest Ive ever been.

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Forgot to talk, and to communicate…only remembered to talk to the movers and shakers …but no time to spare to communicate within, to the Divine source of all creation. And recently been feeling the distance acutely…being shown the way back…bit by bit.
Its all so beautifully planned and designed that it leaves me breathless with awe at the intricacy and yet
the simplicity of it all.
The books Im suddenly picking up to read ( knowing it is time to ) , being led to different learnings by different teachers ( some of who, are not even aware that they are teaching ! ) , its all so beautiful!
I can see it as lights blinking on, in a particular sequence ….BLINK BLINK BLINK ….one by one….in the very unique sequence which was mapped out to make me understand , knowing that even a small step here or there would not work as precisely as this.
And to think that each one of us souls have this unique customised sequence planned ! Its just ….mindblowing to me.

The walls that I so carefully built…the energetic boundaries …are after all the last thing to understand😅😂…they needed to be built in order to understand how important it is to pull them down, especially now with this deeper understanding of connection.

I don’t know if you will understand that drawing..but it is what I saw as what has been my path. The point in the middle is when my energetic boundaries were the highest. The distance in my awareness ( the separation on an inate level ) the most.
It is not everyone’s path. Its just what I perceive has been mine. To get over the fear of being taken advantage of.
If there is no separation , then all of this is just an egoic concept.
The distance also is symbolic of my distance with others inspite of the connection I felt through each of my readings.
The readings were honestly the only times I would feel unconditional pure love for the souls I was doing the reading for. I did not know their shell , only saw their pure souls and fell in love… every .single.time !
The purpose of those readings was not only to bring them closer to their own understanding of themselves but also to give me the deep deep understanding of how to look at those that I feel are separate from me because I can only see their shells.

How to look at EVERYONE as truly an extension of me.

Love thy neighbour as you love yourself 💕

It shall take me some time to get there completely…but atleast now, I know how 💕

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Less is more !

I think I finally get this ! I thought I understood it and agreed with it for a long time, but I realise now , that it was at a very superficial level.

As a little girl , I was given the honour of dusting our drawing room ( living room as it is now called ). I revelled in the task and was so careful not to break these delicate figurines and showpieces that my mom and grandma had collected from around the world on their travels.
Each piece had a story attached to it. I was so proud of our home and its beautiful things. I grew up and moved into my own little home when I started working. I also started gathering my own ‘ beautiful things ‘ as I started to travel…things to remind me of the places I’d travelled to and the memories I had made.
Countless photographs , gifts , clothes from our wedding , my boys favourite stuffed toys , their first blankets , photo frames , dishes handed down in our families..the list is endless.

I was carrying tradition forward.

I have moved from home to home , even countries, carrying my ever increasing load of memories. On my journey within, I have unlearnt so many many things. I think one of the latest things I have unlearnt , is the love for ‘ things ‘. I woke up one day with total clarity about this. I looked at my things and for the first time ever , saw clearly that they were just objects. I was no longer attached to these or even to my memories.
The only thing that really mattered anymore ,was this incredible feeling of clarity and love.
I proceeded to de -clutter my home. I realised that the most precious memories are deep in my soul and as for the ones I have to look at objects to remember , maybe were not worth remembering anyway.
I gave away bags and bags of things to people who would use them or needed them, way more than I did. Once I had given away ‘ sentimental ‘ items , the rest was child’s play.

Now, not only do I have way less to clean , but it struck me as a happy, happy thought that my home and heart have more room for love 💕

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As parents , we are role models to our kids whether we are conscious of it or not. They emulate what we do , not what we say.
Rigidity, being stuck to ideas and ways of being , a refusal to change ones viewpoint is all duly noticed and then imbibed.
Change is the very essence of life.

Learning to adapt , learning to think differently , keeping an open mind
and more importantly , an open heart …now these are things to pass on to our kids.

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Ive been the parent that sticks by the rules, that refuses to think differently from what was learnt ,in the form of values , traditions, food ,culture, fitness , relationships , religion etc !

In the name of conformity , of fitting in , of being one with the people that surrounded me.
When I was that parent , I raised a child that refused to think outside the box, did not know how to , a child who was fearful of any changes in his environment, fearful of stepping outside any lines , fearful and anxious about expressing his truth.

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Somewhere down the line, thankfully I changed.
Therefore my kids did too.

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I am no longer fearful of being different, of sticking out like a sore thumb , of greeting new experiences and new people without fear and with instead an attitude of curiosity and gratitude.

Learning , forever learning !
My children watch me try new things, do new things, learn new things. They watch me step out of my comfort zone again and again and they learn to do the same…..faster and better than me!

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I wish we realised that, how we choose to live our lives , speak our truths impacts our childrens lives to such a great extent. We get to raise heart healthy , loving , kind , adventurous, adaptable human beings or we get to raise robots. The choice is ours.

A message from me ….to me

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Kindness over Righteousness
These words came to me suddenly one day and seemed important so I wrote them down.
After that I have become aware that a shift is required in life….from righteousness to kindness. We are taught righteousness in various forms through our childhood and adulthood …this is good..that is bad…you must do this…you must’nt do that…and on and on until it becomes second nature to immeditately classify everything and everybody you come in contact with , into neat slots of good and bad..right and wrong etc etc.

Doing this …our minds and hearts are restricted and cannot grow into the full and natural capacity they have of awareness and love. Not only that , but we also cause a lot of our own suffering with a mindset like that.
‘Unlearning’ is one of the most important ideas I have learnt on this path. Unlearning what does not serve me anymore so that Im free to learn what does.
Every time one chooses being kind over wanting to be righteous …makes your heart a little bit free-er to love and grow.

A message from me ….to me

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There is a difference between conventional wisdom and true wisdom.
The kind of ‘ wisdom’ that is handed to you, by society, parents, teachers , religions etc sometimes makes you uncomfortable deep within.

Then that is not for you.

The wisdom that reasonates deep within…that you feel like you always knew this and now recognise it …is the one that is for you.
So nothing needs to ever be conventional.

For example …conventional wisdom might require you to be expressing yourself with animosity or judgement or hate towards ‘ enemies ‘.
Your source / God consciousness knows there is no such thing.
So it would be uncomfortable doing that.
It will feel better when you act from a place of love without conditions.
Tune in to what ‘feels’ right .

Only then are you on the right path. If it ‘ feels ‘ wrong ..then its not for you.

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PART 1 ( INVISIBILITY)

I am tired of being a turtle.

Carrying everyone I love on my back.
Tired of being the peace maker …being diplomatic and smoothing feathers that are forever in the danger of being ruffled.
Tired of being a soldier….stepping gently through a minefield…being on guard all the time….to keep the peace that is so precious to me.

I love peace …I love quiet…I love the freedom to be me.
But I put all that on a waiting list. For those that I love.
No one asked me to do this. Not one of them put it into words. Yet here I am believing its my duty and feeling awful guilt if I don’t step up.
Im done. Im done longing for that quiet forest. Done yearning for that cool sea breeze. Done fighting to protect people who don’t have the faintest clue Im fighting for them. Done carrying burdens that are better off being put on the sidewalk. Done pausing my life. Im done.

Part 2 ” The puppeteer “

I am a home maker. I manage my family. Ummm I think I do rather well. I behave in a certain way so I get the desired outcomes from them. I hold each one’s string in my hand. It is after all , for their own good. I keep them away from trouble. I know what trouble is , I know whats best for them. Better than they do. What do they know? They are merely puppets. I mould them , I take care of them , I make sure they are never hurt. Why ? Well because I love them , don’ t I ?

My life is perfect.
So what if I have to watch not only each step they take ( to avoid them making mistakes of course , duh ! ) but also watch my own .

Because you see, it is a huge responsibility to manage them.
I cannot take a step without analyzing what it shall trigger in them. After all if I have the guts to be myself ..it might give them ideas…they might want to get some guts themselves. ( Shudder )

They are all perfect… as is my life. We all say what we should, we never step out of line.

I have a list of behaviours or key words to use in different situations. I know the responses each elicits. I use psychology , reverse or otherwise.

It works.

If it does’nt ,well, being sarcastic, or autocratic is always something I can fall back on. Worse scenario ever, well, I can always squeeze out some tears.

Part 3 ( Introspective )

What if ,one day, I acted on a crazy impulse and left it all behind ….and faced the world just as I am ..no layers …no masks…no pretense…just me…..raw …..damaged, but purely me ?

I think the day I did that , my soul would finally be set free..to love ,to enthuse , to be miserable , be joyous …to be fully and completely what ever I needed to be in that moment.

I think that day I would finally know what it is to breathe.

Part 4 ( Liberated )

I throw open the doors and windows of my home to let the sunshine in and the shadows out. To let whatever comes in freely and go out freely…..no restrictions, no control , no worrying, no tug of wars.

I give myself the freedom to be me…whatever is me ,in the moment….and my loved ones the freedom to be them , whatever they are, in the moment.
Ah to finally breathe…to experience the unconditionality of it all. The love , the joy unhindered and blossoming under the sun and fresh air that fills my home and my heart.

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Golden buzzer moments on talent shows ! When a participant is awarded the golden buzzer, the entire audience jumps and dances with the joy of it…the judges included. The faces are such a beautiful sight to behold.
Such a beautiful celebration of our inner most instincts.

Those moments are special and so very magical !

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The reason they reasonate so deeply with most of us, is because, that is truly who we are at soul level.
Unconditional, loving , giving beings, who revel in each others joy and success, who feel the euphoria of lifting someone up and feel uplifted ourselves in doing so.

Imagine , if we were to realise that the world is a stage and we do not have to ever go to a talent show to feel this incredible magic. It lies dormant within us at all times.

That in lifting , inspiring, encouraging ,cheering on, loving ourselves and others, we get to feel the same euphoria at any given time.

That our whole lives can be a series of magical moments…..just like the golden buzzer moments💜

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