Letting your vulnerability show, is a part of being authentic. It is baring yourself as you are. It takes courage and determination and sometimes just a lot of knocks from life to know that it is truly the only way to be.

We are conditioned to be anything but vulnerable. We are taught to mask certain feelings , sometimes our innermost truths.
We are taught what is acceptable and what is not. Even in what we are feeling.

It is stifling.

Because it is not your truth. Each one’s truth is different and unique. When we allow ourselves to express our truth in the way we show up in the world, it is liberating. We then allow others too, the same liberation.

It is like letting out a long held up breath and feeling the relief of it.

The amazing part of it is, once you do show up authentically, miracles begin to unfold. Then you are aligned to who you truly are and are expressing and being who you truly need to be.

One persons truth is another ones dysfuntion. Once we understand this fact , it brings about a deeper empathy and acceptance and therefore grace.
Saves one from a lot of hurt and illusion.

Im still peeling layers of who I thought I was, to discover who ‘ I ‘ really am.
It is a long process ,sometimes bringing relief and sometimes great sorrow, but it is what it is.

And Im learning to be okay, with all of it.

Even people letting you down is an interesting test.

People you care about, will let you down. Even you will let down the people you love…..sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly.

How you react in cases like this is VERY important.

Do you retreat into your shell of judgement and hurt ? Do you give up on everyone ? Do you proclaim that all are selfish and only serve their needs ? Do you try and protect yourself by putting up high walls around you ?
Or do you grow in your understanding, so big that you can see the bigger picture……the whole tapestry, and realise that you may be just a single thread , but the way you act and react CAN actually affect the design of the whole fabric of existence.

That by NOT retreating into your own shell, by continuing to be an enthusiastic , loving , giving, unconditional light …if you inspire even one around you in the innate goodness of us all…you will start to make a difference.

For this though, you have to reach in deep…deeper than your ego would usually permit.

Deeper, way deeper than the hurt and the judgement and the wrongness into the unconditionality of it all…the love deep within. This requires the blind faith that it is worth reaching for…the faith that , that is indeed what you are on the inside. Then slowly allowing that love to seep into all of you and colour you so that you shine luminous. Where it transforms you and others around you.
By not giving into the illusion of hurt …you win …you pass that test. The test that you set for yourself and knew if you listened to your souls nudges , you would pass.

A DIALOGUE BETWEEN MY HIGHER SELF AND MY PHYSICAL MIND

HS- were you hurt ?
Me – Hell yes !
HS – Did you feel you were wronged?
Me – ABSOLUTELY
HS – Would you like to feel validated in feeling that you were right and were wronged ?
Me – yes yes yes it would only be fair.
HS- Are you willing to let go and forgive even if that does not happen ?
Me- (thinking about it for a bit ) yes please.
HS- why ?
Me- Because holding on hurts and I don’t like feeling this way.
HS- Even if you have to let that feeling of righteousness go ?
Me – yes
Hs – why ?
Me – Because feeling bad and being right still makes me feel bad. I don’t like feeling bad anymore. I would rather be happy and not care about feeling right about this.
HS- Do you realise that once you decide to do this , and you are again confronted with the person / situation that hurt you in the first place , you might feel as if its all coming back and you might feel the urge to defend yourself or put up your side of things ? That would not be ‘ real ‘ forgiveness. Or letting go.
In order to really ‘ let go ‘ and really ‘ forgive ‘ you cannot feel anything but love for the person / situation and that is truly when you would have moved on?
ME ( with a gulp ) yes I understand and I am ready
HS – why ?
Me – cos my peace , my harmony , feeling good and following my joy, staying in my alignment and experiencing clarity is more important to me than holding on to feeling right about something that takes me off my balance.
HS – Well thats a good place to start 😁

• 

You are moving levels of your consciousness through this process.

Don’t underestimate its power or its beauty.

Don’t be too focussed on ‘ doing ‘ and ‘ learning’ …enjoy the process.
It is not a ‘ new ‘ process.

It is something that you already know , deep down at soul level. There is nothing new to learn.
Just relax into the knowing by letting the resistance melt away.
Have fun with it.
This is meant to be a joyous awakening for you. An awakening from long slumber….to a clear, clear vision.
The first shift is usually the hardest. Because you are shifting from your perception of being a victim , of being helpless to being empowered to create change in your life. You are realising that you are a creator and that you can master these rules of creation.

Its an exciting stage. Like a baby realising that he can crawl…suddenly he feels as if he can go anywhere. However, there are many other stages. Just like, after a baby learns to crawl , he also learns how to walk , run, swim and dance.

Each stage is beautiful and is inbuilt deep inside of you. The journey therefore originates from inside of you and that is where, eventually , your focus must go. There is no lasting joy in anything outside of you. But that does not mean you must not enjoy the different stages. Trust and go along and it shall unfold exactly as it should.

The more you trust ..the less the resistance …the less the suffering, the more the enjoyment of the process.

• 

We often think that only certain emotions are desirable. For example joy , love , excitement , generosity, kindness, enthusiasm etc.

However we are human beings in an environment of duality, so how can we ignore the emotions that we consider not so desirable, like anger, frustration , bittterness, sadness, jealousy, lethargy etc?

Usually social and other conditioning reinforces our discomfiture with these emotions. Movies, novels, religious stories show very clear demarcations between hero’s who are always good , kind , brave , loving etc etc and show villains who are always mean, jealous , angry or greedy etc.

The truth is, all of us have a part hero and part villain within us , if you want to think of it like that. Very rarely is anyone pure ‘ good ‘ or ‘evil ‘.

At our core, we are pure unconditional love.

It helps to remember that , as we sift through this duality that life presents. We can CHOOSE our emotions. However we must never ignore, push down or turn our faces away from ANY emotion. All emotions are our souls way of guiding us closer and closer to our inner core.

It is our call again, as to how much energy we want to give to certain emotions. The more we stay with frustration and victimization, the more we feed these …the more we stay with hope and faith …the more we bring these into our reality.
Frustration and despair are important emotions. By not allowing them, you are sweeping it under the carpet and trying hard to pretend it is not there.
Instead , look at them and ask yourself why am I feeling this way ? Is it because my physical mind and my subconscious are playing past programmes in order to ‘ protect ‘ me ? What does my higher consciousness think of this? When you align all three together, you will feel the harmony of alignment. Your higher consciousness is NEVER going to align itself to your ego mind or the programming of your subconscious mind. You have to align them to the higher consciousness. You can do that by always reaching for a better feeling thought. If the subject that is causing you angst is where you have a lot of resistance , then for a bit, change the subject and focus on what feels good. Keep making your way through by looking for the next best thought and then the next and before you realise, it shall become a habit to feel good and you will no longer tolerate feeling bad (which you do to yourself in your reactions )

When you are faced with making decisions and often feel confused as to what decision is best for you then in order to beat the possibility paralysis , slow down your reaction time…start to tune in to your inner guidance. Each of us are born with 2 things, one is free will ( will to choose ) and an inner guidance system. Our inner guidance is what I refer to as our inner being or higher consciousness. It knows you completely…inside out…it has been with you since the start of your origination as it is that awareness / consciousness of you that is in the non physical part of you. Your emotions are a direct link to this inner guidance system.
So when you slow down your reaction time , and listen in to your gut feel about any choice or decision you need to make…it shall guide you correctly every single time.
As a child this gut feel/ intuition is strong ….as we grow , due to conditioning and external focus we mess up our ability to tune in.
So getting to deeply know ourselves is the first step…slowing down and really tuning in is the second. You can do this via meditation or quiet time
Try it for everything …stop and tune in and see what you feel.
It feels different in different people. It might feel like a deep knowing or even just a deep feeling of peace.

Practise until you trust it and can use this guidance system more efficiently for everything.

Words do not speak. Your vibrations do. Its not merely words that are the cause for unwanted stuff showing up in your experience. Or for misunderstandings.

Especially when your words do not match your vibrations.

When your words say one thing, but your vibrations something entirely different. That is what causes a misalignment in what you said and what showed up.
When you say what you mean ..to the people you want to say it to. And what you say comes out from a place of love , not fear. When you do say what you say and do not attach to the results of what you say…all of it is fine. Do not act or react unless it comes from a place of love.
People can only interpret your intentions based on their experiences or their own general intentionality. They can never tap into your source of intentionality and you cannot tap into theirs. It is best to observe therefore, and be gently detached from it all.
To observe and choose to learn or not.To observe and choose to act or not.

To observe and choose to react or not.

To observe and never be compelled or obligated to do anything more.

It is all ok.

It was always all ok.

It is always going to continue being ok.

Being kind is important. One can accomplish way more by being gentle and kind.

Even though it might be greatly tempting to call people out on their bullshit, that rarely helps ,as it only serves in putting up their defences.

If they haven’t acknowledged their BS to themselves , they are unlikely to acknowledge it to you.

I get the image of a rock against a rock. So much force and breakage.

Where as water , lapping lovingly and with great consistency , wears off the resistance too and yet does no damage.

To varying degrees, all of us are in some way educators and students.

As educators, some of the questions we must ask ourselves often are

1) Am I promoting fear or am I promoting self empowerment ?

2) Am I teaching from a place of love or from a place of fear ?

Of flexibility or of rigid boundaries ?

Of having fixed solutions for the questions that come my way or having the humility and wisdom to trust the inner wisdom that resides in each one of us?

Of conditionality or of acceptance in all its forms ?

3) Do I feel I must know it all before I teach what I know ? Or can I give myself the permission to grow and expand whilst I teach , knowing that in teaching Im also learning.

The turbulent waters parted ways and let him walk through.
He did so calmly , and with complete faith. He did so without a tremor , without the shadow of a single doubt. With an utmost command over himself.

Ah, to be SO sure of ones vibrations , one’s ability, no matter what one faces, to stay in alignment.

That stepping into the turbulence of human emotions , different levels of consciousness and awareness, with a calm and poise. With a deep knowing of stillness deep within.

Which translates the turbulence around as something that is merely observed with a sense of compassion and with loving detachment.

We are not meant to isolate ourselves and expose ourselves to only those that vibrate the way we do….those that look at the world, the same way we do.
There is an illusion of ‘ Safety ‘ in this.
Just like the illusion of separatedness. Immersing oneself in the wholeness of it all and yet being able to find oneself in all of the great mix. Now THAT is what we came to do. The exchanging , the learning,the leaning and supporting, the mutuality of it all…that is what makes up this beautifully woven blanket of life. Where all the colours of the yarns add to the ultimate vibrant design of the whole.

• 

The importance of the physical mind / ego consciousness

The creative process for a soul is simple.
There is a plan.
The goal is to get to a stage of understanding and expansion through experiencing duality and then ultimately coming back to oneness with the creator / divine source ( whatever you choose to call it ) .
This growth or expansion is not finite….. It is infinite…… It continues.

There is no end.

The separation itself is merely an illusion. The illusion being necessary for this experience.

Each one of us IS a part of the divine source.

If the divine source is pure , unconditional love, why in the world would we, as parts of the divine source , want to separate from the divine source and limit our consciousness to such an extent that we are no longer conscious of who we are and what we are ( a part of divine Source and therefore one of the whole ) ?
Why in the world would we separate ourselves, or more precisely suffer the illusion of separation from the whole of what we are ? Why would we choose this ? Because yes , it IS a choice we make. It is never thrust upon us. We choose this.

The answer to that is simple. We choose it, because we ( the divine source) wants growth and expansion. That growth can occur rapidly only in our illusion of duality,( darkeness and light, happy and sad , grief and joy, bitterness or euphoria, love or hate etc)

Being a human with a limited awareness , or having the amnesia which makes us forget the truth of what we are ( pure unconditional love ) ,
helps us to grow and expand ,when we choose to go through the duality that being a human being, offers us.

In this journey towards duality and expansion , away from the understanding of who we are, the ego mind ( physical mind or consciousness ) plays a very crucial role. Just like an anchor that helps the rope to reach the depths of the ocean, in opposition to its natural inclination, the ego mind is the force that pulls us away from the Divine source and our innate nature of unconditional love into the depths of fear.

The ego mind is limited to and motivated by fear rather than love.
It perceives itself as separate from ‘ others ‘.
This illusion of ‘ separation ‘ then pushes the soul into the human experience. Of good and bad , of judging and being judged, of love and hate , of suffering and joy. It enables us to learn from our relationships with those we perceive as being separate from us. It helps us to experience ourself in a diversity of situations.
The trajectory back to the creator or source is inbuilt in our soul blueprint. It gives glimpses , nudges, tugs , pulls and pushes us back in the direction of who we were always meant to be.

Its like a magnetic pull taking us back …away from the illusion , back to clarity. Away from fear , back to love.
That is why the most important journey we can take , is the journey within.
It tells us what to do, reminds us of who we are.

Do not discount the importance therefore of the physical mind /the ego mind. If it did not try and anchor us in the human desires.. there would be no growth …no expansion.

• 

Why do birthdays , festive holidays make us feel so despondent or lower our vibrations sometimes ? Aren’t they supposed to be happy times and aren’t we supposed to feel the joy ?

This is something I was thinking about today. There have been times in my life where Ive excitedly prepared for Christmas , Diwali, Valentines Day etc and really looked forward to my birthday. There have been equally times where the mere thought of these occasions coming around has thrown me into a state of feeling miserable without quite knowing why.
Thinking about it today , I realised that our conditioning ,our expectations is the root cause of the misery.

When we have been brought up in loving ,caring homes where each occasion has consistently given us joy or our birthdays have been made a big deal of …we start to expect that to continue ,as we grow older, from the partners or families we belong to now.

When the quality of the celebration does not meet the mark, our conditioning makes us feel as if we have been let down.
Or if we have been brought up in families where these occasions were a source of stress or disappointment right from the beginning, where we compared the lack of love and joy to other friends and their families where it all seemed to be perfect …our conditioning again makes us feel not so great around these times.

Or if we made beautiful memories with certain people who are no longer in our lives , our hearts link the joy of these occasions to those people. Their absence , in our lives , is then felt acutely , as we are comparing how we felt then and how we are feeling now.

So how do we help ourselves get out of this?
Well Im thinking, that the mere understanding of the ‘why’ leads us to the ‘how’.

Each one of us will have a different approach to feeling better.
I do feel , however , that loving detachment and letting go of the memories and expectations that no longer serve us, making new memories where we cherish ourselves , instead of waiting for someone outside of us to do it for us, are some of the ways.

I also remember, feeling the stress to uphold certain traditions…buy new clothes for Diwali, make sweets, give them to neighbours etc. This year Im happily oblivious to it all. I no longer feel the need to do any of it. I have lovingly detached myself from the obligation and traditions that no longer make me feel great. There is no longer any ‘ must do ‘ or ‘ have to ‘ in any of these occasions . Doing what gives me joy….and therefore showing my kids the freedom that comes with following their hearts and their joy.
Make today a day of deep love and appreciation for yourself and everyone. It is the best way to lift yourself up. For example anybody you meet …stop and say hello and smile into their eyes. Or people who do stuff for you…show them your appreciation. Spread kindness.
I go around leaving little notes for people I care about …and stopping to tell strangers that they look nice or cab drivers that their cabs smell nice or that I enjoyed my conversation with them.

It always always lifts my spirits when I stop to lift someone else’s